Her delivery was awesome. Truly painful with no meds, but I'm totally going to do it again. I think it was better for both of us. I was honestly surprised that she was a whole pound smaller than Ella was. I don't think I'll ever forget when Phil told me that she didn't have a hand and holding her and crying with Phil as we thought about what might lay ahead for her, the doctor telling me it was OK, she was still perfect, then crying some more until my parents came. Bless them. They came when they heard me in pieces over the phone. It was like, ten at night. I can still feel her soft, new-baby skin and smell her sweet breath. She was such a sweet, pleasant baby. I do remember wondering if I could truly handle another kid when Ella went nuts on me for a few weeks. Lots of nights crying when Phil got home and the girls were sleeping. Still sad about her hand, and nervous I wasn't doing enough for both of them. Afraid, that my husband would think I had completely lost it. Bless his big heart for being so patient with me and just holding me while we stood in the kitchen and I cried, more than once.
And now, she is the most busy, curious, happy, sweet, gives the best hugs in the world, 8-toothed one year old. Man I love my kids. Some days, I still wonder if I really want another one. But there are those blessed glimpses of this blue-eyed, funny, spunky little girl that makes me want five more, just like her.
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